school performance and an IQ test

In fourth grade, I started having trouble with my school work. My teachers’ remarks were that I was very capable of doing the work. I just don’t do the work. As a result I was very behind and my mother had to sit down with me every evening and make me do my homework. Even when I went on to college I still panicked when I thought I might get behind in my school work.

When I was in 7th grade, my family was part of a research study for some kind of abnormal thyroid problem. They wondered if it made people lack intelligence as their hypothesis had so far proven. The thyroid problem was genetic and some of the members of my family have it. They gave all of us an IQ test. Everyone in my family tested in the highly superior to genius category and I only tested in the above average category making me the stupidest one in my family. I cried and cried over these test scores. I don’t think my parents’ made these scores have a sense of competition, but I turned it into that because I wanted so much to be loved by them and in my mind I thought that if I was the smartest of their children maybe they would love me more. Now after years of self-discovery and much healing in my family, I’ve realized that my parents loved me, but they were in capable of showing me love in a way that I could feel it.

In high school I went to test for the ACT, college entrance exam. Once again my scores were terrible and I cried the day I had to go and take the test. I was so full of anxiety. I scored a 20 which wasn’t enough to get into a really good school, but wasn’t really bad either. I was a straight A student, by my test scores did not reflect that.