Depression, anxiety attacks and more school

Feeling ready to start life again, I returned to college and studied journalism within a month of miscarrying. Writing became a huge part of my way of releasing emotions. And as anyone who has been sexually abused knows, if I thought that my relationships with men were screwed up before I was raped they were even worse now. I would have panic attacks when they dumped me or cling to them or became sexually involved with them when it wasn’t a committed loving relationship. (I was a virgin before I had been raped and was saving myself for someone special) I started smoking pot and cigarettes at this point they seemed to help with the anxiety and depression which I still had no other answers to. I had tried anti-depressants, but they didn’t work. My relationships with psychotherapists usually ended with me in a big rage because the guy was a total idiot as far as I was concerned and had no real solutions to my problems. I even told one of them that 50 years from now people are gonna look back on this time and think how crazy we were to take anti-depressants. He didn’t appreciate my opinion. Anxiety, depression and school didn’t mix and it all climaxed with me quitting two weeks before finals. I went back to the refuge of my parents and slept for three days. I spent the next year there and took an odd job here and there and a few more dysfunctional relationships with boyfriends here and there.