My Birth

For all you astrologers out there. I was born in Blythe, California (near Joshua Tree National Monument) on October 1, 1974 at 5:21pm. As a new infant (the age before babies start to smile) my mother says that I would spontaneously laugh just like an adult (not like a baby she was very specific about this). These adult laughs made her afraid that maybe I was too attached to the spirit world and would want to return there soon. She said that at night she would rush to my bed to check to make sure I was still breathing.

childhood

I must have also been a very intense emotional child which I am to this day. I recall my dad teasing me by quoting Petunia Pig from the old Warner Brothers cartoon: “Jennifer, Jennifer, don’t excited, don’t get excited.” He said it was because I seemed to get so upset over very minor matters. I think it’s because I never fully adjusted to the limitations of this physical reality.

My father told me that one time when I was three he tried to put me to bed, but I didn't want to. He would spank me and I would be right back up and out of bed again. Then he'd spank me again, and again until finally he gave up and let me stay up. In a therapy session I realized that this incident taught me how hostile the world can be and it also showed me just how determined I can be to see what I desire through.

grade school

From the moment I started kindergarten the kids did not like me. I do not know if this had to do with being Indigo because most of the other members of my family were not liked in school either. This played a big role in my self-worth wondering why I wasn’t likeable. I felt so completely abandoned by God.

interest in spirituality begins

In Junior high I wanted so much to fit in and be popular and have a boyfriend. I thought my appearance would make me more likeable and became overly concerned with having perfect hair and nice clothes. I lived in my daydream world this was the only way I could escape the painfulness of school and being the subject of constant teasing and criticism. When I walked home from school, I would zone out and imagine I was traveling in a far off land. I would have whole conversations in my head with imaginary people. Sometimes I would pretend that my life was a movie and even the most mundane things I was doing was being filmed for the movie. It was at this age say 13 that I started wanting to be spiritual. I read books about near death experiences and cried because I missed the love that the authors had experienced on the otherside. At times, I wanted to die because I would get relief from this life. In spite of this desire, I never made any attempts at suicide because I understood from these books that it would only lead to more pain. I started to see my body as just a shell of flesh and blood and it actually kind of disgusted me. I wanted so much to be good. I remember having checklists of all the things my parents’ church had deemed to be what a good spiritual person should do like read the scriptures daily. I would feel disappointed in myself if I was not doing all those things.